Matrimonial Master Plan

Often we compare ourselves and our marriages to those around us.  We tend to examine the bumps, tangles and defects in our own lives and therefore, miss the obvious beauty.  Years ago a dear friend sent a card with a poem that was titled “The Plan of the Master Weaver”.  The poem used the analogy of a tapestry on a weaving loom to depict our lives.  It spoke of how we only see the underside of the artwork, which appears disheveled and often includes colors that we would not have chosen.  We are unable to see the work in progress from the vantage point of the weaver and often don’t understand that the colors and knots are necessary for a creation of beauty.  

I had forgotten about the card and this analogy for years, until now.  

My parents recently celebrated their 50^th wedding anniversary.  They are a beautiful and faithful couple who have raised eight children.  I have witnessed great love throughout their marriage, but also know that they have had their share of “knots” and “tangles”.  We celebrated their anniversary with a trip to Florida with six of my seven brothers, sisters-in-law and nieces and nephews.  It was a much anticipated trip, two years in the making; not just for the 30 of us who would attend, but for my immediate family of four, as well.  My husband, our two children and I had not been on a family vacation in two years. In that span of time we experienced many changes, including a move and needed time to recharge. Within a few weeks of departure, we found out that my husband was not going to be able to join us.  Work was just too busy and the timing couldn’t have been worse for him to be away.  We’re used to being apart and although not tragic, this was devastating news.  With my husband’s new job and subsequent travel schedule and stress, we desperately wanted to be together for this celebratory event.  As a family, we’d vacationed in the same location since the kids were little. It wouldn’t be the same creating treasured memories without him. Although the kids and I were happy to be reunited with extended family, there was a hole in my heart for my husband back home and with that, the first five days of the trip were bittersweet.  After working long hours and rearranging his schedule, he surprised us and flew down for the last three days of the vacation. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.  

A prayerful approach to the melancholy days vacationing without my husband created a much-needed change in me.  After years of viewing my marriage from the proverbial underside of the loom, I experienced a glimpse from the view of the Master Weaver.  

For the most part, my husband and I are happy and continue to work on our marriage and the art of compromise, but after nearly 17 years, it’s not all wedded bliss. I wonder if other women sometimes experience a surge of love towards their husband one moment only to find in the next that they’re secretly planning a matrimonial escape when he innocently crunches chips in the way that unravels nerves, as well as years of commitment.  Do others pray for patience and ask for help, as I do?  I try to focus on the remarkable qualities of my loving husband (which are many), but recently questioned his intelligence when he asked where we keep the kitchen towels.   I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, as we are in a new house, well relatively – it’s been 10 months.  To be fair, I’m no box of chocolates.  His patience with me is tested time and time again and unfortunately he often acquiesces simply to keep harmony in the house.  

At times, I feel like we’re just too different and fall back into the comfortable old concerns of the past with regard to the ways in which we are not alike. He’s a planner.  I try, but often resort to “winging it”.  He’s punctual, if not early. I’m tardy, but continue my “training” as a punctual wannabe.  He’s Jewish, I’m Catholic.  He comes from a family of four, I come from a family of ten.  He’s Israeli and well-travelled.  I’m a mid-Westerner who grew up with family vacations that involved squeezing kids and most of the contents of the kitchen into a small car to spend a week at a state park cabin.

In looking back over the 50 years of my parents’ marriage and by missing my best friend during most of our biennial vacation, I realized that years of focusing on the underside of the tapestry of our marriage had skewed my perspective.  Although every marriage has its share of tangles, knots and unusual colors, I have a renewed appreciation for uniqueness and the beauty of our rich lives.  Because of our differences, I have a friend for all seasons, two beautiful children, wonderful family and friends, lovely stories, abundant blessings, a deeper appreciation for my Judeo-Christian faith, enjoyed close-in parking spaces due to early arrivals, and on some days, even know what we we’re having for dinner before 6 p.m.

More than anything, I’m reminded that as the weaving shuttle flies, the tapestry of my marriage and life story, imperfections and all, is unfolding.  With a renewed vision and appreciation, I see that it’s all part of the plan of the Master Weaver and is a beautiful work in progress from above.